{a little note before you begin: There are a few typos in this post because my computer was not cooperating with me long enough to fix it, so let's use our forgiving hearts toward me as we read this together :) Also, my notes above are all things jotted down from sermons and studies so let's do that forgiving thing again while we look at my handwriting and chicken scratch notes. okay enjoy my friends!!}
Man, I hate the word no. Normally when i hear it, I'm not getting something that i want or i am wrong about something and let's face no one really likes either of those things.
Take for example some disappointing No's.
"May i have some ice cream?"
"No."
Wow, disappointing. How about this one...
"Can we go to Disney World this summer?"
"No."
I can't even take this anymore. There really isn't much else that is greater on this planet than ice cream and Disney World, and especially if they're together. But, what if your mom said no more ice cream that night because she had an even greater dessert waiting for you. Or your parents said no to Disney World because they had somewhere even better they wanted to bring you instead. so woohoo for some LAME ICE CREAM AND DISNEY ANALOGY THAT PROBABLY MADE NO SENSE.
During my freshman year at Texas A&M, I have been told “No” more times than i would have liked. Long story short, I applied for a few organizations that i had my heart set on, and did not get them. There really is no words to describe an organization telling you "no" unless those words are "it" and "sucks". I knew every time i was told "no", that God had something better for me. I told myself those words a million times, and I've probably said it out loud and to other people a billion more times. But those words have gotten so easy to say without actually meaning it. Sometimes the most important things become meaningless because we just say it all the time, and don't really think about what it means.
I began to look at these "No's" as rejections to me as a person. I walked away thinking, "What was wrong with my interview?" or "What was it about me that they didn't want or like?"
What was even harder for me was while i was being told no, my friends were being told yes. Now, don't get me wrong i was so incredibly happy for all of my friends, but still couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was so excited to see the Lord move and work in their lives but I still couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t have what they got too. What was wrong with me? What was is that I didn’t have?
For future reference, don’t ever ask yourself that question. There is NOTHING wrong with you.
I began to learn that in times like these, it is hard to seek God. It is hard to want to seek Him when things just aren't really going your way, or He isn't blessing you in the way that you hoped. The more and more i thought about this, my attitude became more and more selfish. I guess i thought that since i was having a consistent quiet time and going to bible study that God owed me something. Well...Let me just tell you something, He doesn't owe you. In fact, He doesn't owe you anything. He is God. He loves you and He will take care of you but He does not owe you anything.
I began to realize that I had a problem with entitlement. I recently heard Ben Stuart say at Breakaway, “When deception comes we began to lack gratitude which opens us up to entitlement, which leads to deception, which leads to selfishness and disappointment,” Yeah. Basically everything he said was exactly what my heart was doing. I had to learn that we are not entitled to anything. WE DESERVE NOTHING. Seriously, we don't. Do you know what we did deserve? We deserved to be hanging there on that cross, beaten and worn because of our sin. We deserved that death. But, thankfully, Jesus loved us enough to take our sin and our shame and die for us instead, just so that we didn't have to. Amazing love. UM YEAH, CRAZY AMAZING LOVE.
I got to thinking, wouldn't it be amazing to get to a place where we could just be a child of God and that be enough? Because, it should be enough. He is enough. Think about all the blessings and things you've been giving in life, if you didn't have those things would you still love God the same? I think it's hard to love God when you don't see Him moving. I want the kind of faith, that has nothing but God and still thrives, It's beautiful and very rare. I think we get so caught up in things that we think we deserve or that we forget what our true purpose here on earth is. We are here to have a relationship with God, serve Him with our life, and make His name known and bring others to Him. Not to have a nice job or a lot of money. Not that those things aren’t nice and that God can’t give those things to you, but that’s not what were here for.
After weeks of sitting around wondering when things were going to get better (when I should’ve been seeking God and His plan for my life) He showed up. God never leaves me hanging. Just in the past few weeks i have heard two separate sermons and have done a study that pertained to exactly what I was going through. I want to share them with you because i don't know if you are going through a season of disappointment like i did, but one day you might. And even if you don’t go through something like this, you will go through a time of suffering for Christ’s sake. This is how the Lord disciplines us, because He loves us. Through these things my mind way brought back to the beauty of God and His plan for me. I was beginning to become so discouraged, but then i was reminded that God doesn't work in disappointment or hurt. He works in joy and in life.
Know this. You are a Child of God. God has big plans for you. Learn to wait on those plans. Learn to listen when He speaks this to you. Don't think because you don't see God moving, that He's not. I promise He is. Also, just know that when you don't get what you want, it wasn't what you needed. Be patient and continue to seek Him in that time. It will be so worth it to wait on the thing God has for you. Bigger and better than you could ever imagined. And when you get there, go at it with your whole heart and give all the Glory to Him. Without Him you would have nothing.
Update: It has been weeks since I started writing this post and I am beginning to see God’s plan unfold. This is totally not what I expected, but I know He is molding me now for what I will do in even my future’s future. Stay tuned for details on this cool stuff
Now go ahead and check out those chicken scratch notes as i leave you with a challenge.
Begin praying for your future, right now, today.
You Rock, Love Bec